he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
