Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
