Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
