Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
