I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
