Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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