According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
