My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
