I just threw up on my dentist
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
