he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
