morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
