Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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