I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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