Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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