im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
