I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
