what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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