OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
