can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
