there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He passed out mid-signature
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
