You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
