He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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