all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
