my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
