I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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