girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
