i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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