And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
