He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
