im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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