you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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