Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize