i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
