I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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