i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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