I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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