he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize