she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
