Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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