And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
