Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
