Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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