I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
