We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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