trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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