If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
