I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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