If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
