that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
