Please, let me fuck your mom
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Terrible idea I love it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
