I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
