Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
