you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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