one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
