I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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