I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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