Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
