She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
