weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
