Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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