it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
