dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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