Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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