So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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