Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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