In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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