in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
