I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
