I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
