My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
