11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
