In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
