Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
