I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
