When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
