Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
