You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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