Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
