Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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