I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
