i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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