eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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