Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize