can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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