thus making me awesome and them whores
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
