@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
