Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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